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A few years back, I worked for Lloyds TSB, as an web admin monkey, updating their graduate recruitment site. This was around the time of the foot and mouth crisis, and, whilst bored, I changed the horse logo to a cow, and the name to Lloyds BSE, on the screensaver graphic file i had access to - just a bit of dumb photoshopping. I didnt realise that, since I was updating the site, I had full access to the London network. The next morning, everyones machines, including front line branch machines, was displaying my 'edited' version. I was given an *instant* dismissal. My bank account was cancelled and refunded to me, I was walked out of the building by security at 11am. Although it's not enforced - I signed a form stating that I was legally not to enter a branch of Lloyds TSB again. As I left the building, not a single person smiled, they all looked at me like I'd just killed a puppy.

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Alunatic shot up another friend's store late one night. I put thesecurity images on DVD, then went to the guys house, and recordedevidence showing that the vehicle in the security footage was the sameas the vehicle at the defendant's house. It was easy. We knew the make,model, and color of the vehicle, plus some distinguishing features. Thesecurity footage didn't get the license plate number, but mine did.

Whenthe police showed up, they found the gun in the vehicle still, andmatched it up to four other shootings in the same area. The guy isnicely tucked away in jail now

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Remindsme of the guys at the place I used to work at who used a snapshot ofthe Blue Screen Of Death as the screensaver for a very importantrouter. The IT division boss came into the network server room and sawit and almost had a stroke. He just made them get rid of it prettyfast."

"Back in school when I really didnt know any better, we replaced thestartup screen on Windows 95 with the 'It is now safe to turn off yourcomputer' screen. The poor buggers didnt last the week

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I recently lived through that one. I held a job for two days at a small warehouse before the owner proved himself ignorant about how Google works. After insisting that a page would go up in rankings if it contained a word a thousand times and refusing to take my word that they base it on incoming links, he said that I needed to be open to the opinions of others. I asked if that applied to him and he told me to go."

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The timing of the lights had been set for slow trains and fast trains had just started to run on that line. The view to my left, which was the direction from which the train came, was obscured by a large pile of sleepers. I was on the crossing, driving a Bradford van, when I saw the train about 15 metres away. The train headlamp left a large round depression on the side of the van just behind the rear edge of the left door.

The van was picked up on the cow catcher and slung across the road to be wrapped around a power pole. The spare wheel came out from under the rear floor and hit a building about 35 metres away a good 3 metres above ground level leaving a smear of rubber on it. All that the first people on the scene could see was a pair of feet sticking up from between the floor and the left hand side of the van, which was still upright. I came to at that point having been knocked out on hitting the inside of the van. Apart from slight concussion I suffered no other damage. NZ rail had the cheek to send me a bill for repairs to the headlamp!

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Hello www.gazetkaenigma.fora.pl!

A woman went to her doctor and complained that her husband

was 300% impotent.

The doctor replied, "I'm not sure I understand what you

mean."

She answered, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In

addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"

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A blind man is walking down the street with his guidedog one day.

They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to the dog.

A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."

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There's this man and his travelling across the desert, and he suddenly finds he hasn't got any water left. So his starting to get worried, and his very thirsty, but luckily, a man comes towards him on a camel.
So he said to the man, ' I'm thirsty. Have you got any water?' and the other man says, ' No, I haven't, but I've got a wonderful selection of ties. Would you like to by one?'So the other man says, 'No , of course not!' and man rides away on his camel.
After about another hour or two, he's desperately thirsty and he sees a beautiful 5-star hotel. So he slowly goes up the steps, crying ' water! water!' and the hotel manager says, "I'm sorry, sir. You can't come in here without tie."

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A koala is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past and looks up and says to the koala "Hey! What are you doing?" The koala says "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.
After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks him what's the matter. The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest,finds the tree where the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says - "Hey you!" The koala looks down and says: "Faaaaarrrrk dude...how much water did you drink?!!"

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Special Birthday
This week we celebrated a special birthday.

Monica Lewinsky turned 31 this week. Can you believe it?

It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees!!!!

They grow up so fast!

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Once there was a woman who was deeply in love with a mysterious man. Then one night she got him all alone in his office and screamed meow meow look at me now!!,
but the man didn't. So the woman took off her top and screamed meow meow look at me now!!, but he didn't. So the woman look off her pants and screamed meow meow look at me now!!,
but the man didn't. So the woman took of her bra and screamed meow meow look at me now!!,
but the man didn't.So the woman took off her g-string and screamed meow meow look at me now!! one last time. The man then turned around and yelled woof woof i'm a poof!!.

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Hello friends! i new on your forum!
see ya:))